Writer: Virginia Spears
Now that we’re all faced with dealing with the living dead on a day-to-day basis, you might question why I’d bother putting together a list of something as seemingly trivial as clothing. But trust me, friends…these essentials could be the difference between life and being eaten alive.
1. Velcro tennis shoes
For those of us who grew up before the Gilgamesh Effect, we know most people didn’t wear Velcro tennis shoes past the age of 6. But these are now worth their weight in gold. I’ve seen first-hand the horrifying result something as simple as an undone shoelace can have when trying to escape a horde of zombies. Word of warning, however: Do NOT readjust the Velcro straps when near a zombie, because the loud “FWAAAPP!” of ripping it open will make the undead come at you like a spider monkey.
2. Sports bras (women)
Whether you’re running for your life or just kicking some zombie ass, the last thing you want to have to worry about is adjusting your bra strap. Sports bras are the practical, worry-free solution to keeping your girls supported.
3. Raincoats
This may not be feasible in the heat of the approaching summer, but any type of water-proof outerwear is recommended. If your encounter with a zombie turns ugly (and by ugly, I mean bloody), you’ll be glad you shielded yourself from the blood spatter. Especially useful if your weapon of choice is an axe, baseball bat or chainsaw.
4. Biker gloves
The best way to keep blisters off your hands while keeping the dexterity of your fingers is biker gloves. These are especially useful with blunt or heavier instruments, such as the axe or baseball bat.
5. Form-fitting clothing
No, I’m not recommending you dress like you just walked out of Hot Topic, but any loose clothing could give zombies an easy way to drag you away. Also avoid pants or jeans that are too long, so you don’t trip.
I’ll post more as they come to me. Hope this helps, fellow Southerners.
Leather pants and jackets: they are durable and have all the repellent powers of a raincoat as well as the added bonus of being form-fitting. And let's face it: there aren't many things more badass than a zombie-killing machine decked out in full leather. Cons: leather is not known for being a very breathable fabric: if you're really going to town on some zombies, you are going to get sweaty and you are going to get stinky. We know that this is just going to attract more zombies. But if you've got tiger blood running through your veins that are underneath all your leather, this is no big deal. You are just going to continue winning and kicking more zombie butt. (If you're really worried about it, just stock up on antiperspirant deodorant and Febreze.)
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