Millbrook, Alabama

Update: Millbrook, Alabama.

Writer: Cody Muzio

Millbrook, Alabama. 

The last place you would expect a zombie outbreak.

It’s no Raccoon City or an abandoned amusement park, or anywhere else you’d anticipate seeing the dead walk.

It’s a small town that encapsulates every stereotype people hold about the South.

White picket fenced-in houses with people sitting on front porches and rowdy redneck teens with shotguns drunkenly driving through mud bogs in the back. 

At least, that’s what it was like before the Gilgamesh Effect set in.

Now it’s… eerily similar.

There are zombies now, of course, and that’s where the big differences come in, but even with that said, life’s not too bad here. 

Most of our businesses are small, except for the Wal-Mart, and most only have one door. 

If you keep it bolted, most zombies aren’t bright enough to get in, though some shop owners will leave their doors unlocked just for the fun of shooting the necrified ex-humans as they walk in. 

For the most part, one can go about their daily life as normal around here, provided they’re armed. 

Hunting rifles (and shotguns) are a southern staple, and around here, there is a good amount of hay so pitchforks are easy to find, too, and can be put to good use.

Something I never expected is the use of the garden hoe, however, an outgrowth of the fact that (pre-Gilgamesh Effect) Millbrook played home to many avid gardeners.

You wouldn’t think it, but I’ve seen enough people around here wield a hoe to decapitate, split skulls and bludgeon brains, that I’ve got good faith in the tool’s use as a valid anti-zombie weapon.

As long as you’ve got one of these (or, really, whatever your personal pick may be), you can live a nice life in Millbrook still. 

Here’s the main reason why: Millbrook zombies are predictable.

The humanoid ones, anyway (zombified animals can be tricky, but more on that another day).

Want me to let you in on a secret I’ve picked up? 

If a person had a habit firmly enough ingrained into them in life, they'd still follow a form of that as a zombie.

And Millbrook is a habit-inducing place.  Always has been.

No, zombies obviously aren’t going to act exactly as they did as true living people, but there is an unmistakable semblance of routine.

Zombies don’t really sleep, but they do rest, and often you can find them on the front porches I mentioned earlier doing just that.

Can zombies drive cars?  Thank GOD, no.

But younger, high-school aged zombies can frequently be seen milling around various places a high-schooler might attend depending on the type of kid they once were, such as the aforementioned mud bogs (my personal favorite zombie location).

It’s become sport in the area from time to time to head out to a muddied field and pick off the zombies hopelessly stuck flailing around waist deep in mud.

Your redneck types are also spotted in the woods, sometimes trying unsuccessfully to get into tree stands as if there’s something calling them there that says they need the high ground.

Public schools are also havens for zombies during early hours, which makes it optimal time for running errands around town.

Don’t ever try to go there, though. 

Even skilled zombie hunters stay away.  There are too many halls and rooms and closets that there’s just no way to watch all sides.

If you venture into a school during zombie time… I pray you’re right with God.

Which brings me to a much better place to consider: churches. 

Sacrilegious as it sounds, these are some of the best places for killing zombies… if you’re the kind that enjoys doing so for fun.

You see, like I said, habits that are deep enough remain in zombies, and Millbrook is a place where there’s not a lot going on.

People do the same things day after day after day after day.

And so do zombies somewhat. 

They’re easily distracted and won’t always flock to the same locations at the same time as they would in life, and they certainly won’t do anything while they’re there (ever seen a zombie sing gospel music?  It won’t happen… which is probably a good thing).

Yet, there still seems to be something planted in their mush brains telling them this is where they need to be.

Thrill seekers have made it a point to visit churches in Millbrook and its surrounding area on Sunday mornings (how zombies seem to keep track of days when I’ve been known to sleep through Thursday still blows my mind) and go nuts. 

You’ll find scores packed into the sanctuary scuffling around, and it is, admittedly, quite impressive to watch these teams bust through stained glass windows with automatic weapons blazing and blades strapped to their backs and then see them cut through the horde like something out of a Wachowski Brothers film.

If you’re ever on your way through, or you’re looking for a nice place to settle and given up on the idea of a zombie-less safe-haven, Millbrook will do you right. 

Keep in mind where the zombies will be at what time and make sure you’ve got something on you for the occasional wanderer, and life here is not too bad. 

There’s not too many of us still here, but we make do and enjoy each other’s company.

We even have a Millbrook marriage coming up soon.

One final warning, though… while most zombie habits aren’t of the same intensity as human habits, there is one that seems to actually increase in fervor after infection.

I hate to say it, but if you’re black and in Millbrook… run.