666 Event Article: Update on New York

666 Event Article

Written by: Ki Arnould

Hey, all you friends in Alabama! I’m in Syracuse, NY right now, but I was raised in the South and have been dying for updates. It’s been a crazy few years.

Here in central New York, we’re getting the zombie infestation under control. As I’m sure you know, NYC was sealed off from the rest of the state; it turned out that the undead Manhattanites the most vicious, voracious zombies ever encountered. They were next to unkillable. I’m guessing they got it from the cockroaches.

There’s a lot more to the state of New York than that tiny little island, so to be honest, none of us are all that bummed about the loss. The city crowd was mostly bloodthirsty monsters, even before the outbreak.

But in New York State, we’re finding ways to handle the hordes. These zombies sure don’t like the cold! It slows their movements considerably. They’re drawn to heat; out in the rural areas, ambitious hunters have begun lighting giant bonfires that draw the undead, then perch in a treetop and pick them off with high-caliber rounds as they head for the bright, merry flames. At the end of a decent-sized massacre, the snow is dark with ash and peach-colored with aging blood spatters. Disassembled bodies litter the ground like small boulders. They douse the field with flammables and let it burn.

Not everyone feels so comfortable in the country. Too much space, too secluded. So we remain in mid-sized cities, usually the suburbs. Unfortunately, the snow is impossible to manage without using loud vehicles. In order to keep the streets clear, we had no choice but to use plows, which were outfitted with an elaborate web of blades and blunt metal, plus plenty of rations in case their plow was overrun. Luckily, a plow was never overtaken; our paranoia wasn’t necessary.

In fact, it became one of our favorite pastimes, running up to the ledge of our three-story protective wall to watch the snowplow rumble past the building. Frozen bodies of the less-hardy zombies, half-buried in snow, would tumble weirdly before the plow’s massive expanse, legs and arms snapping off like dry twigs. Behind the plow would be a trail of disgruntled, loping zombies, their jaws unhinged in contempt, grabbing madly for the rear of the grumbling plow. They never held on for long; the cold blades, the bumping motion, and their dead weight would soon slice their grips, and that’s assuming that we hadn’t picked them off for target practice. What a magical Christmas memory.

By January, many of the zombies wandering outdoors freeze in the snow. Giant, half-human ice blocks poke out of the snowdrifts, easy pickings for even the youngest kids in our community. On a particularly frozen night, the zombie’s body might even shatter. In fact, I even spotted a pair of hunters tipping a body over the side of a 15-story parking deck. It hit the ground with a sound like cracking rocks. That zombie didn’t so much as twitch.

Now that the snow is melting, it’s not uncommon for a thawing zombie to pop up out of the slush, eager to prey on whatever roused them from their winter slumber. They remind me of bloody daisies, springing to life as the earth begins to thaw. I’ve often imagined the game, “he loves me, he loves me not,” as my crew and I dismember them.

Speaking of crews, I’m proud to say that a few nerds have survived the Gilgamesh Effect’s worst years! Several have begun creating iTunes and smartphone apps to aid in detecting and destroying the undead. For example, I use an app that monitors the sound levels in the area, providing a decibel measurement to make sure you keep it quiet. It also tracks errant sound within a 200-foot radius, which lets you know if your noise hits a dangerous decibel, and the latest updates have even begun to identify between animals, zombies, humans, and the dreaded crawlers. Man, crawlers really are a bitch.

Another app lets your device project a high pulsing noise about 30 feet away from your location; it’s a simple app that provides a short distraction for the undead, giving you a few crucial seconds of escape time. Or you can just use it to piss them off. I think they’re kinda funny when they’re angry.

There’s a few limitations to surviving up north, and some of our information is spotty, so I’ll end by posing a few questions. How do the zombies react to the summer heat down south? Do they seek shelters to avoid the heat? Do they burn in the sun? Are there central locations where people are heading to be together, or are people mostly sticking to the outskirts and living low?